A Note to Readers From Alia: This new VOX advice column is for those of you who don’t know who to turn to when you are curious or confused. Here’s why you can trust me. Growing up the youngest of four girls and two boys, I was the quiet one. But through those years of being silent, I got to observe. I got to notice the mistakes that my siblings made, and keep note of what not to do. My life motto is: “Why follow the path if I know that it leads to destruction?” Now, this is not me calling myself perfect, but I can help you do what others forget to do: Learn from your mistakes. I want to answer your questions so that you too, can follow the right path.
I recently read your advice column and it is so good! I have a question myself and hopefully, you can give me some advice. I have a boyfriend and we’ve been at it for a pretty long time now. We have a strong connection emotionally and physically, and I really don’t see myself with anyone else anytime soon. But one thing has always bothered me. He has some girl best friends and they’re literally always with him and it just annoys me because I don’t like the fact that other girls are receiving his attention. I’ve tried talking to his friends and become friends with them, but we don’t seem to connect. Is it right that I feel this way? Should it come down to where he must choose between me or them?
Ask Alia: It is normal to feel this way, but don’t let it screw up what you and your boyfriend have. If you have such a great connection, then you know that you can trust him and that his friendships with those girls are only that: friendships. At the end of the day, the girls don’t have to accept you, but they do have to respect you as his girlfriend. Don’t stress it.
Why do we have standards if everyone knows they are not perfect?
Ask Alia: That’s a good question. As human beings with self-respect, we aren’t supposed to be mistreated or disrespected. There isn’t anything wrong with having standards. Having unrealistic standards is the problem. People who are very judgmental and are raised to judge by appearance are the people with high, unrealistic standards. People who see others based on their character and heart will have standards based on that. My advice is to avoid people who think that they are superior to everyone else because, most of the time, their standards are so high because they have the most flaws. I always say that our future soul mates will be the least expected.
What do you do if one person in a relationship is not afraid to commit and wants a relationship and the other person is not serious or monogamous?
Ask Alia: The relationship won’t work out without a compromise or a complete change of character. The answer is simple: If someone does not wish to change, they won’t. Both partners must find someone with the same morals and ideals as them. However, if the connection is strong both ways, compromising or changing should not be too difficult. Just ask yourself if it is worth it and go from there.
Got a question for Alia? Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Editor’s Note: While Alia’s advice is intended to help other teens, she is not a trained professional and the advice dispensed in Ask Alia is not meant to replace professional help. VOX has a resource guide for many of the challenges teens face. You can find a link to help here.